I never knew…

Whenever I’d a problem in my life, I kept on asking myself “why me?” Though I very well know crying won’t do any good, I’ve cried many nights with and without any particular reason. After coming to college, I always had someone to share all that I wanted to. But, I deliberately stayed away from them without telling out what my problem is, because of my brainless thought that I would be a disturbance to them. As days passed on, I started realizing the fact that, man is a social animal and we might have to depend on each other for various needs. I use to think what will my friends and relatives do if I breathe my last one day…

For the past few months, I’ve had so many changes in me. The problems that went around me made me bold and helped me to put a full stop to my ‘non-stop’ crying! Last week, I made a visit to my little cousin’s place. She loves me a lot. From the day when she was born, I’ve made her eat, play, laugh and sleep. Unlike my other relatives, she had a very special name to call me out of love and respect and I loved it a lot than my real name. I was totally worn-out when few months ago I knew that she is suffering from ‘blood cancer’. I haven’t slept for many days. I sat alone in many places, felt angry towards all the Gods on my wall. I was and I am ready to give my own life to her for her to live 100 more years. She was undergoing so many treatments at the cancer centre in our state capital and there was a tremendous change in her character. My parents and other relatives who went to visit her, came back annoyed and sad. She didn’t talk to them or even looked at them properly. I was afraid about how would she respond towards me. Though I kept calling her mom and dad in every alternative day, I won’t get to talk with her as she’s not interested to talk with anyone on phone.

Finally, amidst my class schedules and other stuffs, I was going to meet her. Days before I go, I bought coloring book and chocolates (which she loved a lot) for her. I was totally blank before entering into the house. After getting the feedback from my relatives about her appearance, I’d an imaginary figure in my mind before I go to meet her so that I can avoid an immediate shock and an emotional scene there. The moment I got in, she, who was playing with her water bottle smiled at me. She was bald and was wearing her mask to avoid bacterial infection. It was nothing more than what I expected. Thank god. I went in and took my seat. She left everything on the table, came and sat on my lap. What more I want. I almost cried, but controlled somehow. Till that moment I was fearful whether she won’t talk to me well and all… but again, thank God!

She had lots to talk to me. About her new way of living, about the hot climate in the city, her doctors, a junior doctor who has long hair and looks like me, her medicines, treatments and so on… I listened to her very patiently. She didn’t forget to remark that I’ve lost weight and have become dark and suggested me to use ‘fair and lovely, Ayurveda’. I don’t know any bigger words to explain what was going through my mind then. Her mother, in a secret conversation behind the kitchen door told me that it has been so long since her daughter has been so happy. I never knew that I can make someone so happy. I never knew that my little eight year old baby had so much of space for me in her heart. In my life, tears have started hosting new roles. Neither happiness nor sad! I’m not educated enough to explain that. Let the tears keep rolling down my cheeks, until the reservoir gets dried up and I attain the saturated state…!!