I TOO QUIT!!

I thought of being 'something', dreamed of being 'someone'. But I've now realized that, am gonna be 'nothing' out here. Therefore, I TOO QUIT!!


No new posts are gonna come up in this blog in the nearest future.

Thanks to one and all...

Those Five Comrades....

They think alike, like any other youngsters who wishes to have fun in their lives. Yeah, they are my friends, who have always helped me to stay happy and forget all my worries…. They’ve made me do assignments and seminar papers for them by promising to buy me chocolates or juices from the canteen which they would never do… still, I do it for them because I never wanted them to lose their marks or get scolding from any of our faculties… I never knew that I’ll miss them so much in my life…. Once, they boozed in their hostel and were caught as one of our classmates Mr. X (Brutus) went and told this to their hostel warden. We never expected Mr. X to do like this because he uses to roam around with these five doing all the stupid things possible. I don’t know what changed him like this… X was my very good friend with whom I’ve had so much of fun. He used to tease me, bug me, make fun of me….and, what not!! But due to so many reasons he changed, a lot. Whatever the reason be, I never expected him to change like this…. Let’s forget about him because, he has got no role in our lives anymore, even as a classmate. I would like to talk about those five. Because of this X, they got suspended from the college; they were not allowed to write the final exam. They were asked to vacate the hostels and leave the campus immediately. They left, without any complaints or arguments. I’m not supporting the mistake they did, am supporting the ones those who did the mistakes because they’re MY FRIENDS! Without them, classes were really boring, when we go to the department, we felt as if we’re going for a funeral…. It was so awful…. Never felt like attending any classes or submitting any assignments… I wanted to bang my head towards some pillar or wall… we miss them a lot… a lot more than ever before. I can imagine the situation of the parents of these five. They went home heavy-hearted and ashamed for the first time. They were speechless in front of their parents tears… we were all helpless… after this mishap, we’d a day for industrial visit to the nearest radio station in our city, we never wanted to go because we were together for each and every visits and reporting that we’d before. Due to this reason, we got back to college right after the visit without roaming around or hanging around anywhere…

I know this is not the end of life or anything but still, I want them to come back as soon as possible and start rocking again. They’re frustrated so much that they’ll do anything out of their anger. But, I want them to make others realize that it is only the relationship that will last forever, not the ‘Rudraksha’!!!!

Let them laugh, I don’t care…!!!

Media plays an important role in everyone’s life. But the 39yr old Aruna, from the rural outskirts of Palakkad never thought that media can make a tremendous change in her life. Eight years back, when her husband Ponnunni (44) died of AIDS, she was left all alone in life with the HIV virus that her husband passed on to her. People stopped using the public tap which Aruna used. They drained the pond in which she bathed; the road which she used to walk was frequently disinfected by putting chlorine. Her mother Anandavalli, a school teacher was the only person who supported her. Now things have changed, nobody bothers if she takes bath in the pond or not. She goes for marriages and meetings, people find pleasure in sharing some moments with her. And now she says, “thanks to media….” With smiles..!!
“Yes, my life has changed. Now I can go anywhere I want. I’ve learned to ignore people who always ask me sit in a corner and cry as I am a widow. Now-a-days nobody has a problem in giving me shake hands or using the water cooler from which I drank water.”- Aruna says. Before, people were afraid of talking to her since they thought that HIV is a contagious virus. After media has taken its role in giving proper awareness about HIV/AIDS, its causes and mode of spreading etc…, people have started being kind and helpful to the victims. Aruna never used to go out few years back. Her mother took care of dropping and picking up her children from school. But, after joining “Prathyasha”, an organization of the HIV victims, Aruna has changed in many ways. She now works as a team to solve the issues and problems faced by the victims everywhere. If somebody asks her about her children’s blood report, she has it ready to show that they are not the carriers of the HIV virus. Aruna takes medicine twice daily and now she’s extremely healthy that she can do any job she wants to. She gives counseling to the victims and makes them overcome the situation and live like others.
In her white and white sari with her pleasing smile, she goes to everyone who need help and conduct AIDS awareness campaigns and workshops in schools and colleges. All that she’s striving hard is to eradicate the stigma towards the HIV victims in the society and to give them a chance to live.

IT’S ALL ABOUT HIM….

It’s all about him, the most problematic student in my class. He never dress properly in a way that people will say, “oh, he looks smart…” he will never behave in a way that people will say, “he’s a nice guy…” but those who very well know him, including I, can tell that, he’s the most wonderful friend one can ever have. He’s having his own ups and downs which everyone usually has.
A really frank person who’ll hug you tightly and say “thanks da…” if you do something right or will blow off your face if you do something against his ethics. And when I say his ethics, it doesn’t mean his selfish ideology or anything. It’s all about the right and the wrong that a true person would always think about. It’s all about the human conscience and his philosophy of, “it’s better to be hated for what you’re than being loved for what you’re not…” He is what he is always. He never tells lies to get rid of punishments. If he’s doing something, he has got fortitude to stand up and say, “yes, I did it...” he’s not a coward, he can never be so.
He smiles amidst his frustrations. He doesn’t know to put the mask of a good guy and roam around doing all the stupid things to pull others leg. He’s not a backstabber. If you’re wrong, he’ll tell it on your face. And if he’s wrong, I’ve had the rights to question him and to catch his collar and ask, “Why the hell did you do that…”
He won’t flatter you or arrange party for you. But, at times he’ll say “great job” looking at your effort and that makes it all…. He won’t always keep in touch all the friends quite often. But, in case if you need some help, he’ll be there for you. He won’t keep any grudge with in his mind. Once the issue is solved out, he forgets about it. He doesn’t boast about what he does or dream about his future. He just lives for the day and leave the rest for the future. No complaints, no arguments and no fights unless there is a proper reason to it. If he gets a marker and the white board in the class room, all that he would write on it will be, “it’s better to die standing than to live on your knees…” Many a times I’ve felt if I was him. The real coward in me is jealous of him. How many births do I have to take to live a life like him? I’ve felt that I don’t have a backbone to live like him, boldly. Kudos to him from the bottom of my heart, success will show him a way very soon.
College authorities will drop their jaw once when they know about his success later on in the future. And like the Veeru Sahasra Buddhe, the College head in the “3 Idiots” movie, some others will also nitpick themselves for all that they’ve done in their lives till then. His parents’ tears will be wiped off with his fruitful triumph and on that very day, we, those who know him and love him well, will sit on a corner and shed two drops of tears out of happiness and think about the hellish kind of days that he’d gone through in his life…!!

Hats off..!!

His lost love..!!

I don’t know who is she or how does she looks like. All I know is that, her name is “Saadhiya”, the girl whom Khaleel loved the most. To tell about Khaleel, he was the one who use to serve tea in the office where I went to do my summer internship. But he was not just an attender or a tea boy to me. He was and he’s my very good friend. I never knew that friendship could be so strong within 20 days of time. Being in the News bureau and the printing and publishing office for more than two years, he knew what is right and what is wrong. He never talks rubbish. Every Friday, he dresses well before he goes to the mosque for his prayers.

All that he’d to talk to me when no one is there in the office is all about Saadhiya. Her dream girl for whom, he’s living. She was a plus two student then. At times when I enter in to the office, I can see him looking out through the window and smiling to himself. I use to tease him asking, ‘were you with her in your dreams?’ and he just smiles with shyness with the braces fitted teeth of him. The only worry that Khaleel had about Saadhiya was that she use to get constantly admitted in the hospital for one reason or the other. Neither he nor she knew the reason. And whenever he had some illness, he packs everything and goes to meet her because, he believed that he’ll get cured when he meets her and surprisingly, it was true.

Khaleel loved Kerala more than any other place. But then, it was for her that he decided to go abroad so that, by the time Saadhiya completes her studies, he can have a good earning. As the days were nearing for him to go to Qatar, he was upset, about leaving his country and about leaving her ‘Sweet heart Saadhiya’, alone. I use to motivate telling him that, just think that you’re doing this for her and you won’t feel sad. He uses to nod his head just for my sake. But I knew that he was heavy hearted. Finally he left to Qatar, for his job in the football club of Qatar on January 26th. The moment before he check-in, he called me and said, “Am going, for her. Will come back soon and invite you for our marriage.” I bid him adieu with prayers. About after a month or so, I got a call from him. I could read the happiness in his voice as he was earning plenty enough to look after his girl. Everything was fine at his end then.

Khaleel’s happiness doesn’t last longer. Today, Friday, March 12, 2010 I again got a call from him. His sound had changed. This time he’d called me not to talk about his happy existence there, but to tell me that he has lost his love! The reason why she was frequently being admitted to the hospital came out. She was being killed day by day by ‘brain tumor’ and she’s no more! I couldn’t even utter a single word back. I don’t know how much she loved him. But I knew how much he loved her. I can say it was a hell lot! I don’t know into how many pieces would his heart have been shattered? I can’t imagine him holding her coffin nor looking at her lifeless face. I don’t know which God can give him strength. Can’t imagine him crying too… I never knew Gods can make such a twist in his life. I wish I could ask them why they had to kill her!

May her soul rest in peace!!

I never knew…

Whenever I’d a problem in my life, I kept on asking myself “why me?” Though I very well know crying won’t do any good, I’ve cried many nights with and without any particular reason. After coming to college, I always had someone to share all that I wanted to. But, I deliberately stayed away from them without telling out what my problem is, because of my brainless thought that I would be a disturbance to them. As days passed on, I started realizing the fact that, man is a social animal and we might have to depend on each other for various needs. I use to think what will my friends and relatives do if I breathe my last one day…

For the past few months, I’ve had so many changes in me. The problems that went around me made me bold and helped me to put a full stop to my ‘non-stop’ crying! Last week, I made a visit to my little cousin’s place. She loves me a lot. From the day when she was born, I’ve made her eat, play, laugh and sleep. Unlike my other relatives, she had a very special name to call me out of love and respect and I loved it a lot than my real name. I was totally worn-out when few months ago I knew that she is suffering from ‘blood cancer’. I haven’t slept for many days. I sat alone in many places, felt angry towards all the Gods on my wall. I was and I am ready to give my own life to her for her to live 100 more years. She was undergoing so many treatments at the cancer centre in our state capital and there was a tremendous change in her character. My parents and other relatives who went to visit her, came back annoyed and sad. She didn’t talk to them or even looked at them properly. I was afraid about how would she respond towards me. Though I kept calling her mom and dad in every alternative day, I won’t get to talk with her as she’s not interested to talk with anyone on phone.

Finally, amidst my class schedules and other stuffs, I was going to meet her. Days before I go, I bought coloring book and chocolates (which she loved a lot) for her. I was totally blank before entering into the house. After getting the feedback from my relatives about her appearance, I’d an imaginary figure in my mind before I go to meet her so that I can avoid an immediate shock and an emotional scene there. The moment I got in, she, who was playing with her water bottle smiled at me. She was bald and was wearing her mask to avoid bacterial infection. It was nothing more than what I expected. Thank god. I went in and took my seat. She left everything on the table, came and sat on my lap. What more I want. I almost cried, but controlled somehow. Till that moment I was fearful whether she won’t talk to me well and all… but again, thank God!

She had lots to talk to me. About her new way of living, about the hot climate in the city, her doctors, a junior doctor who has long hair and looks like me, her medicines, treatments and so on… I listened to her very patiently. She didn’t forget to remark that I’ve lost weight and have become dark and suggested me to use ‘fair and lovely, Ayurveda’. I don’t know any bigger words to explain what was going through my mind then. Her mother, in a secret conversation behind the kitchen door told me that it has been so long since her daughter has been so happy. I never knew that I can make someone so happy. I never knew that my little eight year old baby had so much of space for me in her heart. In my life, tears have started hosting new roles. Neither happiness nor sad! I’m not educated enough to explain that. Let the tears keep rolling down my cheeks, until the reservoir gets dried up and I attain the saturated state…!!

That was not just a shake hand…!!

I’m not getting a punch line grabber to start the sentence. Beyond sweets, savories, words of praise and fake appreciations, I got the most valuable of all compliments. As I was going on through a whole lot of mental trauma last week and I was not able to burst out or express my views, I decided to use my Pen, the weapon that I’ve to get rid of it. I wrote down everything that I wanted to. Felt so relaxed, happy and satisfied and decided to post it in my blog the next day. When I was in my class on the third day, I was going through the comments that I’ve received on that particular post. My lecturer, in fact a true friend and the owner of an amorously vibrant youthful heart who tried to understand our feeling were there in our class at that time. I called him and just asked him whether he can go through the blog. He dragged a chair, sat beside me and started reading it.

From the moment he started reading, till the end, he had a smile in his face. After he finished reading, all that he told me was just two words, “superb, fantastic…!” with a bright blaze in his eyes, a wide smile and ‘Shake hand’!! I was on the top of my happiness, felt like crying too. It was the biggest accolade I’ve ever had beyond all the certificates and mementos I’d in my show case. You’ve got the humanitarian touch in your way of writing, that spark would surely help you stay close to the reader’s heart...! So says my ‘Sir’. I really felt like patting on my own shoulder and say “Well done dude…” Oh my God, it’s such a feeling..!! I swear to God that until my last breath I’ll never forget this moment in which I went around the whole world sitting inside my classroom..!!

Thank you Sir..!!